Welcome back. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and the Family Justice Center of Erie County wants to spread awareness for this abuse that impacts a major percentage of our community. Welcome Kelly Gas from the FJC to share more. Thanks so much for coming in today, Kelly.
Good morning, thank you.
I’d love you to start off by telling us the importance of why we need to specifically recognize dating violence in the teen population.
Shockingly, we know that one in three teens will become a victim of domestic violence between the ages of 12 and 18. What that equates to is one and a half million teenagers in America being in some type of abusive relationship. It’s very concerning to us because oftentimes, someone’s first relationship—their first entry into dating—is an abusive one, and that leads to a cycle. We see that pattern snowball from those lack of boundaries that have not been established at the beginning, leading to worse and worse relationships.
Well, Kelly, can you define teen dating violence and tell us why teens are more susceptible to abuse?
Teen dating violence refers to physical, psychological, and sexual abuse, but it’s also harassment and stalking. This can happen both physically and digitally. It’s very important for us to talk about what that means digitally because, for a lot of teens, the majority of their relationship really is a digital one. They have more interaction with their partner through texting than anything else. They’re comfortable on their devices, they lack boundaries, and they often share too much too soon. Then they find themselves in a very dangerous or very hurtful situation.
Let’s talk about some red flags for teens to be aware of.
There are a lot of red flags, but a few big ones stand out. One is isolation. If you’re in a relationship with a partner who starts to control who you can see, who you can hang out with, or tries to remove you from your friends or family, that could be perceived by your friends or family as your choice when it’s not.
Another red flag is social media and access to your phone. A lot of teens give up their passwords and control of their phones to the person they’re in a relationship with. That’s a huge red flag—major no-no.
Another one is unwanted touch. We see people getting into relationships and moving farther in a physical way than they want to. Anybody that forces you down that path farther than you’re willing to go is a huge red flag.
I think it’s important to talk about this because when it comes to teenagers dealing with violence, especially sexual violence, we tend to assume that the perpetrator is older, but that doesn’t always have to be the case.
No, it’s not the case at all. We are actually seeing a rise in sexual abuse in this younger population. The person you’re in a relationship with could be younger—it doesn’t matter.
We talked about some red flags when it comes to dating, but let’s talk about some green flags for teenagers in relationships.
It’s important to note these green flags—when someone is being a good partner. If you are making decisions together and your partner allows you to have a say, that’s a good sign.
It’s okay to say no. You should be able to say no or change your plans, and that should be acceptable to your partner. That shouldn’t lead to a fight.
Respecting boundaries is another green flag. You do not need to spend all of your time together. You do not need to be texting each other all day and all night, in between classes. Space is good. If someone respects that space in your life, that’s important to recognize.
Let’s talk about a safety plan and what that would look like for a teenager. We talk about this with the women that come into the FJC when they’re leaving an abusive relationship, but for teenagers who are still in high school and still need to go to school every day, they need safety plans too.
That’s right. Safety planning is one of the most important elements to consider when you’re trying to leave an unhealthy relationship. It outlines the actions, steps, and appropriate support contacts in your life.
Since kids are at school most of the time, what would that look like? Well, we might help you decide the right time to be dropped off at school, which hallways to walk through, who to walk with, and where not to walk in order to avoid becoming trapped in a dangerous situation or facing someone you’re uncomfortable being around. Our advocates can help plan that, and we can also help facilitate that with the school.
Kelly, this is something that you and your team at the FJC have been doing—going into schools, speaking to students about teen dating violence, and coming up with safety plans. If a school out there could really benefit from these talks, what’s the best way for them to reach you?
Really easily—just email me at Kelly@fjcsafe.org or send us a DM through any of our social channels. It’s easy, and it’s one of our favorite things to do right now—being in schools and engaging in conversation. Even though these kids are having mostly digital conversations, they do want to talk. They are confiding in us, and they are asking questions, so we want to give them the most opportunity to do that.
Well, Kelly, thank you so much for coming in and sharing more on this important topic.
Viewers, if you or someone you know may need help escaping an unsafe situation, you can call the number or email on your screen and arrange a presentation for your school by contacting Kelly at Kelly@fjcsafe.org.
Thanks again for coming in, Kelly.
Thank you.