About Domestic Violence

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (also called “intimate partner violence” (IPV), “domestic abuse”, “relationship abuse” or “family violence” is a pattern of behaviors used by one person, often to maintain power and control over another person in an intimate relationship.

Domestic violence can and does happen to all types of people, in all types of relationships.  Any person, regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, gender, education level or financial means can be a victim – or perpetrator – of domestic violence.  Casual dating relationships can be abusive, as can committed relationships, live-in relationships, marriages; and can also happen between blood relatives.

Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a person from doing what they wish, or forces them to behave in ways they do not want. It may include the use of threats and intimidation, emotional abuse, economic deprivation, physical and sexual violence. Technology can be used as a tool to stalk or track another person. Many of these different forms of domestic violence/abuse can be occurring at any one time within the same intimate relationship. To learn more about this click here.

 

Warning Signs of Relationship Abuse

Most abusive relationships don’t start out that as abusive.   In fact, in the early stages of a relationship, an abusive partner may seem picture-perfect:  charming, flawless, charismatic, and a pleasure to be around.  Typically, the controlling behaviors start small, and intensify as the relationship continues.

Abuse doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different.  However, one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abuser exerts power and control over their partner, using a variety of methods.

Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:

  • Puts you down; insults, demeans or shames you,
  • Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do,
  • Prevents you from making your own decisions,
  • Shows extreme jealousy towards your friends, family, or any time spent apart,
  • Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members,
  • Threatens you or acts in ways that scare you,
  • Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons,
  • Tells you that you can never do anything right,
  • Makes all the financial decisions for the household, without consulting with you,
  • Stops you from working or attending school,
  • Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses,
  • Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children,
  • Destroys your personal property,
  • Threatens to hurt or kill your pets,
  • Follows or stalks you everywhere you go,
  • Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to, or participate in sexual acts that you are not comfortable with,
  • Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol.

 

Cycle of Violence

The Cycle of Violence has three distinct phases which may be present in violent relationships:

 

  1. Tension Building Phase
  2. Violent Episode Phase
  3. Reconciliation / Honeymoon Phase

The Cycle of Abuse

1. Tension Building

tension increases, breakdown of communication, victim becomes fearful and feels the need to “walk on eggshells” or otherwise placate the abuser. Verbal and emotional abuse

2. Incident

A violent incident of physical or sexual abuse. Abuser is angry, argumentative, and blames the victim; has a deliberate desire to hurt the victim.

3. Reconciliation

The “honeymoon phase”. Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, acts remorseful, denies the abuse occurred, or says that it wasn’t as bad as the victim claims. Makes promises to change. 

If this cycle seems familiar and you feel unsafe, call or visit the Family Justice Center for help with safety planning and access to other resources.

Skip to content